Career Counseling Fun

We interview and counsel many wonderful people as part of our Brookwoods Group search and screening efforts for our clients. Along the way, we have picked up some "career counseling humor":

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A Tennessee country preacher had a teenage son, and as he neared the end of high school it was getting time the boy should give some thought to choosing a profession. Like many young men, the boy didn't really know what he wanted to do, and he didn't seem too concerned about it.

One day, while the boy was away at school, his father decided to try an experiment. He went into the boy's room and placed on his study desk three items: a Bible, a silver dollar, and a bottle of whiskey. "I'll just hide behind the door," the old preacher said to himself, "and when he comes home from school this afternoon, I'll see which object he picks up. If it's the Bible, he's going to be a preacher like me, and what a blessing that would be! If he picks up the dollar, he's going to be a businessman, and that would be OK too. But if he picks up the bottle, he's going to be a no-good drunkard and, Lord, what a shame that would be."

The older man waited anxiously, and soon heard his son's footsteps as he entered the house and headed for his room. He tossed his books on the bed, and as he turned to leave the room he spotted the three items on the desk. With curiosity in his eye, he walked over to inspect them. Finally, he picked up the Bible and placed it under his arm. His father, watching quietly, started to silently thank the Lord. But then his son picked up the silver dollar and dropped it into his pocket, and twisted the top off the bottle and took a big drink!

"Lord have mercy," the old man whispered, "he's gonna be a Congressman!"

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Here are memorable actual interview moments gathered from various sources:

Unusual questions from candidates:

• What is it that you people do at this company?
• Why aren't you in a more interesting business?
• Why do you want references?
• I know this is off the subject, but will you marry me?

Unusual statements from candidates:

• Once a week, I usually feel hot all over.
• I am fascinated by fire.
• I never get hungry.
• I would have been more successful if nobody would have snitched on me.
• I think I'm going to throw-up.
• What job am I applying for, anyway?
• My resume might make it look like I'm a job hopper. But I want you to know that I never left any of those jobs voluntarily.
• Sorry for yawning. I usually sleep until my soap operas are on.
• I will definitely work harder for you than I did for my last employer.
• I don't think I'm capable of doing this job, but I sure would like the money.

Statements from rocky resumes:

• "I demand a salary commiserate with my experience."
• "Personal interests: donating blood. Fourteen gallons so far."
• "Instrumental in ruining entire operation for a Midwest chain store."
• "Received a plague for Salesperson of the Year."
• "I am loyal to my employer at all costs.... Please feel free to respond to my resume on my office voice mail."
• "It's best for employers that I not work with people."
• "The company made me a scapegoat, just like my three previous employers."
• "You will want me to be Head Honcho in no time."
• "As indicted, I have over five years of analyzing investments."

 Unusual interviews from the employer's perspective:

• A job applicant challenged the interviewer to an arm wrestle.
• Candidate announced that her long-term goals were to replace the interviewer.
• Applicant said if he was hired he would demonstrate his loyalty by having the corporate logo tattooed on his forearm.
• Said he was so well-qualified [that] if he didn't get the job, it would prove that the company's management was incompetent.
• Stretched out on the floor to fill out the job application.
• Wouldn't get out of the chair until I would hire him. I had to call the police.
• Pulled out a Polaroid camera and snapped a flash picture of me. Said he collected photos of everyone who interviewed him.
• An applicant came in wearing only one shoe. She explained that the other shoe was stolen off her foot in the bus.

Unusual interviews from the candidate's perspective:

• A candidate asked the guard at the front desk to call the HR representative she was to meet. The guard replied, "She's not in." Asked to elaborate, he gave a sidelong grin and pointed to a flyer on his bulletin board. There was a picture of the HR rep and the legend, "Do not, under any circumstances, allow this woman in the building."
• One interviewer asked questions while continually taking phone calls, doing stress-relief exercises and eating a tuna sandwich. At long last, he lay on the floor, pulled his knees to his chest and said, "I would like to convey to you that you are one of the front-runners. Are you interested?"
• A PR director for an insurance company brought a candidate into his office, closed the door, and told him, "I've been doing this for 13 years. I can't go on."
• A candidate interviewed for a position in a small company that reported directly to the president. "The woman who was interviewing me kept emphasizing what a difficult person the president could be, how he had trouble delegating, was not consistent in his management, played favorites, etc. Yet she had been with the company for quite a few years herself and worked directly for the president. When I asked her what had kept her there for so long, considering the difficulties of working for this person, she replied, 'I'm married to him.'"