Up, Up and Away!

In the wake of the success of the new Star Trek movie, Southwest Airlines has been highlighting all the "Captain Kirks" employed by the airline. It reminds us of what a great sense of humor they have, and other airlines, too.

Speaking of Southwest Airlines, we've all heard of the clever pre-flight safety announcements. Did you know many are posted on YouTube? See:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pvdCFYLf_JI

MAINTENANCE LOGS

Here is a compilation of some maintenance requests from various airlines, generally known as squawks, as submitted by pilots to maintenance engineers. After attending to the squawks, maintenance crews are required to log the details of the action taken, and sometimes they have a little fun. This list has been around for a while, and may or may not be entirely true. But it circulated widely within the aviation community at first, so we know the pilots and maintenance folks have a sense of humor!

PROBLEM LOGGED	SOLUTION NOTED
Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.	Almost replaced left inside main tire.
Test flight OK, except autoland very rough.	Autoland not installed on this aircraft.
No. 2 propeller seeping prop fluid.	No. 2 propeller seepage normal. Nos. 1, 3 and 4 propellers lack normal seepage.
Something loose in cockpit.	Something tightened in cockpit.
Dead bugs on windshield.	Live bugs on backorder.
Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200-fpm descent.	Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.	Evidence removed.
DME volume unbelievably loud.	Volume set to more believable level.
Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.	That's what they are there for!
IFF inoperative.	IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
Suspected crack in windscreen.	Suspect you're right.
No. 3 engine missing.	Engine found on right wing after brief search.
Aircraft handles funny.	Aircraft warned to "Straighten Up, Fly Right and Be Serious."
Target radar hums.	Reprogrammed target radar with words.
Mouse in cockpit.	Cat installed.
The autopilot doesn't.	IT DOES NOW.
Seat cushion in 13F smells rotten.	Fresh seat cushion on order.
Turn & slip indicator ball stuck in center during turns.	Congratulations. You just made your first coordinated turn!
Whining sound heard on engine shutdown.	Pilot removed from aircraft.
Pilot's clock inoperative.	Wound clock.
Autopilot tends to drop a wing when fuel imbalance reaches 500 pounds.	Flight manual limits maximum fuel imbalance to 300 pounds.
No. 2 ADF needle runs wild.	Caught and tamed No. 2 ADF needle.
Unfamiliar noise coming from No. 2 engine.	Engine run for four hours. Noise now familiar.
Noise coming from No. 2 engine. Sounds like man with little hammer.	Took little hammer away from man in No. 2 engine.
Whining noise coming from No. 2 engine compartment.	Returned little hammer to man in No. 2 engine.
Flight attendant cold at altitude.	Ground checks OK.
3 roaches in cabin.	1 roach killed, 1 wounded, 1 got away.
Weather radar went ape!	Opened radar, let out ape, cleaned up mess!